Sunday, July 7, 2013
dealing with disappointment
I had searched for months after my high school graduation and finally settled on a college towards the end of the summer. I applied. I visited. I was ready to enroll. Despite the fact that it was a 15 hour drive from home, I felt like it was the perfect college for me, exactly what I was looking for.
Several weeks later, however, God opened up another college opportunity. Now I had a big decision to make: I could either choose to attend the college that my heart was set on, or I could pick the college that was I knew was a wiser choice (as far as distance and finances were concerned). The choice was mine to make. After much prayer and discussion with my family over my decision, I decided to give up my dream college and trust that God would not disappoint me for making a decision I felt best aligned with his will.
But I'll be honest—it was a tough decision that initially left me desperately disappointed. I felt like I was giving up the greatest thing in the world and that I'd never fully be satisfied with the decision I was making. (Since then God has showed me how my school fits my needs better than I could have ever imagined, and I can now say that I love my school. He is indeed faithful!)
However, I have discovered that life is full of disappointments. College, friendships, jobs, injuries, relationships, family, illnesses—there are just so many things that never work out like we want them to. "Disappointment" is a reoccurring word in my journal; I've had to deal with it often. And I hate it. It hurts, and it never makes sense.
Yet through it all, disappointment shows me how much more I need to cling to Jesus. He is the one thing that will never disappoint. Instead of wallowing in the unfairness of my dashed dreams or failed expectations, I need to let disappointments drive me to Jesus. Maybe I've been treasuring something too dearly; maybe it's God's way of bringing my attention back to him. Regardless of the circumstances, God is showing me (often very painfully) that Jesus is worth more than every disappointment life could bring my way.
Counting everything as loss for Christ's sake isn't easy, but it is worth it. He will never disappoint.